Thursday, September 3, 2009

It's time ...

to start facing forward and making some really hard decisions. The doctor said yesterday that she "doesn't think I have much more than 6 months."

We're going to do another round of the Gemzar next Friday and see if the side-effects are any easier. If all the really bad side-effects were from the other pain, I may feel better this time now that the pain patch is evened out.

There still isn't a whole lot of hope that the Gemzar will work. We've gone through all the different drugs that should have worked. They didn't. Now we're - as the doctor said - "grasping at straws."

My MAIN goal in all of this is to not spend the next 6 months sick, asleep, miserable, and useless. I'd rather my children lose their mom NOW than have those sorts of memories.

I don't want to let God down and start acting like an idiot now - so I'm praying that I can continue to glorify His Name and make Him the focus of all that happens.

We're not making any hard-core decisions just yet - I want to see how the next chemo goes. My doc has calls into MD Anderson - the TOP hospital for ovarian cancer to see if they know anything new. There MIGHT still be a little hope.

That being said ... I've requested information from SCCA about the Death with Dignity Act. I want to know what ALL my options are - and this is one of them. They'll be sending me paperwork or whatever. It's not something that can happen overnight, so don't go freaking out on me just yet. I just really need to feel like I have SOME control over what's happening, and this is one way to be in control.

I love you all. So much. I can't express how thankful I am for all the prayers and support and comfort you've given me over the years. There just aren't words big enough.

But I'm going to ask that you please NOT call. Please don't text or email or leave messages. I just can't cope with it right now. I need to get it all sorted out in MY head before I can discuss it with anyone else, and right now I don't want to discuss it with ANYONE at all. (Including me)

If you have questions - and you know Nyla - call her, please. She knows all about everything that happens with my health care, so she will be able to fill you in on details I missed.

My Mommy is coming on Sunday (for something else all together) and I'm sure I'll want to be spending time with her. The kids are doing the first week of school thing - so I need to be present for that. Steve has a long weekend, and I really just want to hold his hand.

I'm going to take some time off. I hope that you can understand and respect that. Just for a little while ... you KNOW I'll be back. :)

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13 comments:

Saul said...

I don't blame ya for wanting to hold Steve's hand :-) See ya when you feel up to it. Love ya!

KELmomRN2b said...

♥ ya, Jes

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Sending love and prayers. XOXO

DeAnna Bradley said...

tell your mom hi for me!!!

Genie said...

You know I support you no matter what!!! I love you,Steve and the kids.

chicamom85 said...

I understand and will pray

Anne

Lisa :) said...

I just want to let you know that I am still out here checking in on you. Still praying too.

Elyse aka phonz said...

Respecting your "do not call, do not txt" request but just wanted to give you a big giant hug XOXOXOXO

Elyse said...

Respecting your "do not call, do not txt" request. Just wanted to reach out an give you a big squeeze and lots of love {{{{{{{{{{jesi}}}}}} XOXOXOXO
E

Elyse said...

Trying a gain to get this to post. Respecting your "do not call, do not txt" request and just want to reach out with a big squeeze. Love ya babe XOXOXOXXO
E

Elyse said...

{{{{Jesi}}}}} Requesting your "do not call, do not txt" request/ Just wanted to reach out and give you a big squeeze. Love ya baby. XOXOXOXOXO

I Should Be Cleaning Up said...

Thinking of you, and praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

RIP Jes :*(