Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Not having fun

  • I feel like I'm giving up hope. I find myself planning for when I die. When - not if. It's disconcerting, to say the least. I hope that it's just a weird phase and it goes away soon.
  • There's a pain in my abdomen again. That is never good. It's considerably worse today than it was yesterday, which scares me.
  • My back is still screwed up. I wish I could go to the chiropractor. I'm tired of being in pain.
  • The muscle aches from chemo have started. My legs ache all the time. It's dumb - it's not like I'm up doing anything. Like ... ever.
  • My kids keep getting naughtier and I KNOW it's because they're not getting enough attention and Mommy doesn't have the energy to fix it. :(
  • Steve running for congress is something I'm both proud of and frustrated by, and I'm not sure what to do about that.
  • My teeth keep getting worse. Which is to be expected when you're on chemo, but I wish it wasn't. I so do not need any more aches and pains right now.
  • The Acappella concert was AWESOME! I was so blessed by it. I wish they came every week. :)
  • My friends are wonderful! I wish they came to visit more often. I should invite them more often, I guess.
  • School starts soon and my kids aren't registered. I suck.
  • We're trying to force LittleSister into potty training and it is NOT working.
  • My baby boy starts kindergarten soon and I am not ok with that.

.... Welcome to my brain. That's just a sampling of the noises rambling around in my head.

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5 comments:

chicamom85 said...

I think if I were you, I would have the same thoughts. I don't know for sure of course. I am glad that you enjoyed the concert. I am thinking the only good thing about going back to school is that it will give you a little time not to worry so much about them and give them some time to work off their energy. I don't understand the congress thing right now at all. I am sorry that you are suffering so much. As always you are in my prayers.

God bless you Anne

DysFUNctional Mom said...

It must be so hard to stay positive in your situation! I hope things start looking up for you.
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hold on Sweetie...I'm getting there as faster as I can! Sept. 22nd will be here before you know it!!
Love you!!
XOXO!!
Nomee

ko said...

Jesica,

we are praying for you out here in internet land.
As far as your kids... as long as you love on them, no matter how they act-they know they have a Mom and Dad that cares about them to no end! If thats all you can do..no matter! Dont question your Momma abilities. You've already established your a good Mom, no matter what is going on around you.
Lots of love and prayers to you and your family!
ko

Vanessa said...

Jesica,

I only know you thru a friend, but I want you to know that I am praying for you. I recently lost one of my best friends to ovarian cancer so my heart hurts for you. God is amazing and can do ANYTHING He wants. I am going to choose a miracle to pray for you cuz He CAN do it!!

A new friend from Corona de Tucson,
Vanessa