Saturday, August 15, 2009

It's bad news

I blogged on Tuesday that I was having pain in my abdomen again. By Tuesday night it had gotten bad enough that I was taking my super-duper pain pills.

Wednesday it was worse. Then I started vomiting. I didn't keep anything down all day. We discussed going to the ER, but I had a chemo appointment the next morning anyway, so we didn't.

Thursday morning we headed into SCCA. Got my labs drawn. Headed up to my doctor's floor and talked to the chemo coordinator. Told her about the symptoms I was having and how I was feeling and how I knew it was the tumor coming back.

She said she'd get ahold of my doctor, and sent me up to chemo. Went through the whole story with the chemo nurse as she was taking my vitals. Then my lab work came in.

Labs were BAD. Red cells were low. Protein was high. I wasn't going to be able to get chemo anyway. But I was going to need a blood transfusion. And we were still waiting for the doc to call back.

I ended up having a CT scan and hydration and the blood transfusion. Needed to come back Friday to get more blood and CT results.

The results are - the tumors that were already there have all grown. There's a new one that's already 6cm x 11cm. It's pressing against my colon and pelvis and causing a LOT of pain.

There's one more chemo they want to try. It generally isn't one of the best ones as far as results, but it's an option. The doctor says that "it's probably time for me to get my affairs in order." and "they would totally understand if I chose to not do this chemo."

They've changed around my pain meds. I now have a 3 day patch plus the dilaudid. They'll be setting up an appointment for me with Palliative Care.

So that's the update. I wish it was a happier one, but it's all I've got.

Print this post

33 comments:

Loretta said...

I'm so sorry, Jesica. You're still in my prayers. I know you have a lot of hard decisions to make and a ton of crappy stuff to think about, and I pray that you'll have wisdom--and peace--through it all. I'm stage IV, too, with cancer in lots of locations, so I do know what you're dealing with. My oncologist even offered my daughter a job when I was re-diagnosed in January, saying we needed to get her situated in something better than fast-food, since I wasn't going to be here as she moved on into adulthood. :(

Don't give up, Jesica. You never know when some chemo protocol will be the one that puts you into remission, even if it's not one the doctors think they'll have great results with. The drugs affect different people in different ways. Every day we stay alive, we get closer to a new breakthrough. Well, that's my opinion, anyway.

Love & hugs & prayers,
Loretta in GA

Tiffany Snowden said...

Jesica as I read this latest update tears were welling in my eyes. I am so glad that we hooked up again through the wonderful technology of the internet. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for teaching me that I better not take one moment for granted. Thank you for putting this all down in words for your children to read one day...they will treasure it always. You have given them a precious gift.

There is a new song out there I know you have heard it. It is by Building 429. The chours says "I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains He will be with you always"

I think of you every time I hear it. I have no idea what to say or why you have to be fighting for your life right now, but God does know your pain and Steves pain and the kids' pain. I wish that I could say something to make it better. I am at a loss. Please know that you are recieving prayers from Henderson, NV and all over South Eastern Michigan.

Jesica said...

thanks, Tiffany and Loretta

Joey's Mama said...

I don't know what to say, but I'm sending you all of my love and prayers. May all the people who care about you bring you some peace and comfort. I think of you often.
(((((((Jesica)))))))))

Carol

Mittie said...

Jes...

I love you. You, Steve, and the kids are in my prayers.

Belinda said...

(((((Jesica)))))I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

chicamom85 said...

Jesica, I know it is difficult, I can't even imagine. There is always hope and I will keep praying. I have you on my spiritual blog and there are many people praying for you.

Peace be to you, fear not Genesis 43:23.

God bless you Anne

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I am so sorry to hear this, Jesica. I'm sending love & prayers to you and your family.

Kimberly McKay said...

I saw your blog posted on twitter as one to visit for prayer. I will be praying for you Jessica. I know how tough your road must be, and I wish there was more that I could say to reassure you that things will be 'okay' for you. I think okay is different for everyone. When the doctor says 'put your affairs in order' - I don't know how that could ever be okay. But reading on your bio that your a 'child of God' - I know you're going to be more than okay in heaven one day. I just hope you have many more days to spend with your loved ones here on earth. When God lays you on my heart, I will know it's time to pray.

Meaghan said...

I am so so so sorry for this terrible news. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly! If there is anything I can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me.

Meaghan

Punkinhead said...

I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling at the idea of leaving your family - but know that they will remember your strength, and your humor, and your love. And especially that corndog casserole! :)

I wish for you lessened pain and a peace that comes with acceptance and strength to deal.

Laurie

.Keli. said...

Hi Jesica. I just received this news through Spirit Jump. I'm so sorry but also so happy to read that you are a child of God! :) I pray that your days will be happy with your family and friends and that you have many more of them! I will keep you in my prayers! Hugs - Keli

CB said...

Jesica, I'm SO sorry :( Sending love and prayers to you & your family.

Carol

What's next said...

Jesica,
I read about you through spirit jump and wanted to tell you that I am praying for you and your family!
Cara

Aleta said...

I just came to your blog and I'm so sorry to read this. My heart and prayers go to you and your family. You are strong to write about it, amazingly so.

Anonymous said...

Jessica, I found your blog through spirit jump. I an so sorry about your news, and you and your family are in my prayers. My daughter who is 35 years old with 3 small children is also currently in a fight for her life with luekemia and in need of a stem cell transplant. So I know how hard it is and what you and your family are going through. Please know that alot of people are praying for you and your family. Try to stay positive and enjoy your children as much as you can and don't give up, they have alot of new chemo's and maybe they will find one to put you in remission. I am praying for you.

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

First visit, via Dysfunctional Mom. You wrote on your profile you are a child of God. Amen.

We are all here on borrowed time, all on a journey. Some of our roadways are straight. Some are bumpy. But for believers, they all go toward the Father.

Blessings and peace and love and hugs to you and your family. ♥

Tracey said...

((((((((((Jesica))))))) I am so sorry to read this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully the new chemo will be answer. I so hope it is.

I Should Be Cleaning Up said...

Like everyone else, I've been praying for you, and will continue to do so.

Helene said...

I came over from Dysfunctional Mom's blog and reading this caused to tears to well up in my eyes. I'm just so sorry for all that you are going through. I can't even imagine.

I know God is in the business of miracles and I pray that he will send one your way.

Lottifish said...

I just want to send my high hopes your way. Miracles happen every day, maybe you're the next one.

♥ Becky ♥ said...

I came over from Dysfuntional's blog.
I know you don't know me but please know that I am praying feverishly for you and your family. I pray that you will have no pain, that God will have one more miracle in His pocket for you.

CC said...

huge hugs!!!!!!!

BackStage said...

So sorry to hear this Jesica. I hope you've already received the little angel I sent (don't know how long the mail takes!) and know that i'm thinking about you.
Mags

Shoz said...

I don't know what to say except that I am sad to hear this news. Your words have touched my heart over the last few months that I have been reading. I thank you for your courage in writing them and letting us all read them. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Mrs4444 said...

I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine being well enough to write a blog post and yet being told to 'get your affairs in order." That is so wrong. Keeping you in my prayers...

Kimberly said...

I'm so sorry. I'll be praying.

SparkleFarkle said...

I hold you close in my thoughts, Jesica, and may my prayers for you add to your strength. It's going to be okay. Please don't give up. Even though we're far apart, you are ***points to SparkleFarkled heart*** HERE. Your friend, SparkleFarkle AKA "Janine"-- I made you a special, little watercolor angel on a ribbon a short while back (Spirit Jump). I follow your blog by way of links from Meaghan/Spirit Jump, but would like to connect directly to "Jesica's Journey" through blogspot. I can't seem to locate your "Follow" tab/button. Can you help me figure this one out? Thanks! Here's my email address, if that would help sparkle.farkle@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

I found your blog through Spirit Jumpers, and are very new to your story. I'm sorry that they have not given you more positive news. One thing I see as a common thread in your blog is your honesty. I think it is very courageous of you to be so honest about your journey. But don't give up all hope. Easier said than done, I realize, but I would hate to think that after fighting so hard for so long that its done. I will keep checking on you and sending prayers your way.

Anonymous said...

I can think of nothing to say...but life is what you make of it right..so today and tomorrow and tomorrow after that..each day is a singular gift as unique as a snowflake. So make snow angels and revel in them...you control at least that much



you inspire me to be a better person Jes...just by being.


Rie

Joey's Mama said...

thinking of you Jes.......

Carol

Loretta said...

Just checking in to say I hope you're doing okay and to let you know I'm still praying for you daily.

Big hugs,
Loretta in GA

Joey's Mama said...

Still thinking of you Jes. We are hear to listen if you want to talk. If not, please just remember you are in our thoughts and prayers daily.

xoxox
Carol